1 year ago today

So, it was a year ago that Page, Cash and i were in Children's, just starting our 2 week journey there.
My therapist says that i need to stop living there in my head, that Cash is not at Children's that he is free. it's just so painful and I just want to be happy again. i just want Cash home.
These are tulips that page and i planted the fall of 2006...a few months before Cash arrived. I wanted such a huge blast of color for Him and for visitors and to celebrate my son. So today i picked a few to enjoy inside and here so you can enjoy them too.
cash does bring such power, vibrant love to my life. i just miss him so very much. i pray these next 2 weeks go by fast and I can laugh..my son is not sick anymore. i miss you beanie. love , Mommy

My Fox

So, After a week of many therapy sessions it is a new day. I saw my Fox this am running with the pups. It just stopped and stared. Yay Cashie! Just when I need him most, he shows up and reminds me that he is not in the hospital anymore, that he didn't want to be sick and leave me. I am working on not traumatizing myself with memories of the Hospital. It's hard work but I can't keep going down that road and breaking my heart over and over again, I will never get healthier if I do. So for right now, I will remember that my kids is flying around , as a Fox and my Angel to guide my throughout my day.

May 14th is coming up. It will be one year on the day that Cashie became an Angel. Page and I need loads of prayers if you have them.

I love you My super kid,
Cash's Mommy

Page 's birthday

It's Page's Bday today. he's out golfing with buddies...I pray this day is a good one for him. I know all he really wants is his Son.
Cash's Mommy

bottomless grief

My Son, after a debilitating day on Tuesday , the worst I have had in a long time. i really never left the house....I am getting better. I just went thru all the pictures I have of My Baby boy...and cried and cried and laughed..and said-you are real-and noticed how fast SMA took his body down. He was a squirmy kid at first. I pray for no more SMA in our lives. NO MORE!!!!

I miss my son with the bottomless pit of grief, it never lets up, it is always there and I am always aware the our lives are forever changed because Cash blessed us with his life. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I never will be her again. Yet somewhere in my soul I know that it's going to be OK for Page Cash and I. That we will be together again. That our journey as a family is far from over.
So please keep your prayers up. I know there are a lot of other people who need them, and we pray for those folks too. and the war to end.
Please know that as we approach May 14Th and that will be 1 year since Cashie passed in my arms at Children's that Page and I struggle to get thru each moment of each day...how we go on I do not know except that I know my Son will be back with me. I believe in reincarnation( and I don't know if i did before all of this but how can i not now)and that's what is getting me by right now. So I ask you this, please don't doubt me or call me crazy...because I know what's real. And I know my kid. Just help us to have patience until that day arrives.

All my love , Cashies Mommy

This kid sure does get around

Spreading Team Cash Spirit to North Carolina are Gammy and Aunt Danger....this kid of mine sure does get around. Spreading Love wherever he goes. I love you beanie,
Cash's mommy

What's up now

What a week. We keep thinking it's going to get easier but it's not. The tears keep coming and I am trying to function as a business owner.....and many days I just want to stay in bed. Running helps, yoga helps. Prayer helps. I just want my kid back.

We wnet to New Mexico for Easter weekend. Here are some things that happened there:

Hello all,> Page and I have been still digesting our trip. All the memories and all> the healing. We really are not alone in any sense and it was a true gift> to be a part of your group for the weekend. I have Spices that we bought> for Virgina Kay's store that i would love to share with any one who> wants some. Please let me know.> The weekend was for me: powerful, enlightening, full of Grace, full of> love, delightful, happy, devastatingly sad and yet deep down in the> bottom of my soul...full of Hope.>> Please know that you each in your own unique way have touched my heart> deeply.>> I will cherish this Easter weekend.And when times are tough and I am> sad, I have the ability to pull those memories and words of> encouragement from my heart and that soothes the pain.> You are all a very special gift .> All my love, Teri