Concert For Cash 2011

WHAT:4th Annual Concert For Cash with The Hollyfelds and Hillbilly Inferno
WHEN: Saturday, January 22, 2011
WHERE: The Oriental Theater (
4334 West 44th Ave, Denver, CO 80212
WHO: The Hollyfelds with Hillbilly Inferno
WHY: To raise money for programs at The Children’s Hospital
: $35.00 VIP Patron Party / $20.00 General Admission(doors open GA at 7:15 pm),

available by calling 303-550-4310,

at the door

or online at

Or purchase directly online at:

Monday, December 22, 2008

Concert For Cash on Jan 31st info

ok so that was WAY too small to read

Jan 31st at The Oriental Theater in Denver. for tix or call me at 303.550.4310

Bands: Spring Creek Bluegrass
Elephant Revival Concept
The Snake Oil Band

There will be a Silent Auction too.

Door open at 6pm

Tix are $20.00

Benefit Concert Jan 31st

Here's The new info...a bit small but I am trying to figure out how to edit this blog....not a computer wiz. We hope to see you all on Jan 31st. It will be a great event!
Merry Christmas!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

The Fox

Hey, I am now done with a daily schedule of gardening and it's that time of year when I know I have plenty to do but find myself floating......maybe it's post season, post long season for me...which I am grateful for. Maybe it's the waiting and missing Cashie. You know he always comes when I Call to him, always. He always shows me what to do, what to say, where to go.

I saw The Fox tonight after guitar lessons. He just was out, cruising around Arvada. I know that Cashie is just telling me to keep holding on, taking care of me, and being healthy. I was on my way to Yoga....which helps with the grief.
I still cry most days, just in private. I just miss him so much and want to hold him again.
Soon, he's coming home soon.
I love you Beanie,
Cashie's Mommy

Monday, November 24, 2008

Ironman Mike Sawyer

Our dear friend Mike Sawyer, just finished with amazing results the Iron Man(yes that's 112 miles on a road bike, 26.2 mile run, and swim 2.5 MILES) and he did it for Cash.

He did it for Cash.

Who's the Rock star now.

Page and I are humbled to tears that we have friends that continue to put our son in their hearts...and in this their bikes, running shoes, etc.

Cash is love!!!!!Mike is Ironman. Two heros.

Cash's Mommy

Saturday, November 8, 2008


We are planning another Benefit Concert for early Feb 2009. The money will go to Children's Hospital again, not the garden but hopefully the Bereavement Program. So other families can get some help too.
More to come.
Love you all.
The adoption process is slow but steady. Twins, keep thinking and wishing for Twins.

xoxoxo, Cashies Mommy

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Buddah in the bucket

So our Home study has been sent to the Adoption Alliance...Big step.

Love, Cashie's Mommy

Monday, October 13, 2008

adoption steps

We meet with Myra in a few minutes to read over the Home Study for Chinese Adoption. I know this is such an important step to Cashie coming home, whether he is Chinese, Irish, adopted from Denver , adopted from somewhere else.
I just ask you all now to send those strong good thoughts to 2205 jay st and get my son home soon.

I just need to be strong for my kid.
I love you Beanie,
Cashie's Mommy

Saturday, September 20, 2008

2 foxes

We saw 2 fox last night as I was driving us home in the van from a great birthday dinner with Evan and Miran. It was such a great night and I turned on the wrong street and a minute later said to Page" is this our street?" and then we saw the first little red fox. Yay!

Then as we were pulling up to our house not 2 minutes later , another red fox scooted across our street.

2 fox. Twins!!!!!!

I have been wanting to see a fox for so long and then they appear just when I really need them.

Thanks Cashie, thanks for looking out for us and protecting us and bringing your sister along.

All is well,

Cashies Mommy

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Happy Birthday PapaScan

Today is Cash's Grandfathers birthday Joe Scanlon, my dad. Dad would be 79 years old but he seemed like 25. I miss you both, my hero and my friend.
Heaven must be a big party today and I am so glad you are together.
Cashis's Mommy

Monday, September 8, 2008


You know, I still have grief attatches and miss Cashie so very much. Today was one of those days. It's just cold and damp out, not typical Colorado weather at all. I just miss my Son.
We spent the weekend with friends at a wonderful wedding and all the kids were there.
I didn't realize how much I need our friends....I miss them and they just want page and I to be happy. I has made me stop, take a minute and say I am very grateful for all our Friends who just love us.

On the Adoption front: We have put in for TWINS!!!!!!! YEEHAW! Why not I say, fill up our we any house with messes and diapers, and bottles, and toys. TWINS!!!!!

Cash joined me on my morning run today...just hanging on my shoulders, snuggling his Mommy. I feel so lucky that he stays with us . I am not sure if other people in our situation would feel their kids too. I hope so for them. He's a great running partner. He seems to really like Justin Timberlake songs:)))

Love to all and my Super Hero kid,
Cashies Mommy

Friday, August 29, 2008

Red Fox in Gunnison

So, My sister Trish, Tyler(cash's cousin, and Scott are in Gunnison for a wedding and they saw a huge Red Fox. Cashie is just making sure they are protected and safe as they travel thru Colorado on their vacation.
I love how thoughtful Cashie is. You know Page and I have been talking a lot about having another biological pregnancy. It's really scary, really scary. We have decided to forgo that thought for now and concentrate on adopting. From where I don't know yet.
Thank you all again for your support and love and understanding. Grief is such an long road and I know that there is no way i could feel as ok as I do today without you all who read the blog, and comment on it. I just can't thank you enough for caring.
xoxox, Cashie's Mommy

Sunday, August 17, 2008

send your team prayers out

Hi all, We need more Team Cash prayers to be sent out to an old friend who just lost her husband. They were parents of 2 little children,they are a young couple just 4 years married. it was sudden and totally unexpected. Becky will need all your prayers .

I know the power of Team Cash...please say a few prayers for Becky and her girls and her late husband, John. He was a great husband and Dad. he will be missed dearly.
Thank you for your help.
xoxox, Cashie's Mommy

ps. and Cashie Angel, it's your job right now to go to Becky and hug her and let her know we all love her.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Cash's Garden progress update

Page and i and the Mass family in Boston at the Hatch Shell last Friday night for the movies.
Hi, So as I was driving today I thought about how it's been hard to post what is going thru my mind these days on the blog. There are so many factors in us getting pregnant again: so many things I am petrified about and when I hear someone(whom I know is just trying to help by giving their opinion) say: 'just go try again' I am now finding myself defending my utter paralyzing fear. I do not want to have to say good bye to Cashie twice. that's why i am scared and it's a very real fear. We don't have ANYTHING that is 100% sure that our own baby, which we know we can conceive, would not have SMA. No test is 100%. No test. SO we are praying for direction, praying for answers and praying for patience. I know a lot of couples do it, just go out and get pregnant again and hope for the best but Page and I are not most couples and this whole experience has taught me that. We are different, Cash is different, we grieve differently than others: I mean who has a Concert on their kids bday for 700 people. ? Not one of teh couples that were at those support groups we went to last summer.

We met with Holly Anderson from Children's yesterday and talked about the garden progress. Page and I have set a goal to get the plans submitted by our anniversary 8/25. I would love to have the garden installed, or the process started this fall. We will need bodies when that time comes. so we'll let you know.

I know that trusting my heart and pages heart and cashies heart that we will all be back together in body again soon is just the answer. just that simple. I cry less but i still cry. and sometimes it's tears of Joy that i am Cashie's mommy.
I feel so lucky that he chose me. I just can't wait to hold him again.

Miss you beanie,

Cashie Mommy

Tuesday, July 15, 2008


So, I was telling my awesome crew yesterday about our talk with Spirit Babies man-Walter Machiean.
About what our options are for Cash coming back to us: whether it's biological, IVF testing, or adoption and then a HUGE yellow butterfly flew right thru us all and hung out for a bit and flew on. I feel blessed by my angel.I know the answer will come when the timing is right. Thanks Cashie!!!!!
Love you,
Cash's Mommy

Thursday, July 10, 2008


Thanks everyone for signing up to be apart of the Team Cash blog. We are all on the Team and that little angel is just leading the way. it gets emotional for sure, and can be sad but Cash doesn't want any of us to be sad. he wants us to be Happy...and the blog is a way to share the experience so we don't bottle it up inside. You can post...and celebrate his life and yours.
WELCOME to Team Cash!!!!!
xoxox, Cash's Mommy

Friday, July 4, 2008

Happy 4th

So, I have card on my desk that I read daily. it says:

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage"

Let me be courageous today....
I love you beanie,
Cash's mommy

Monday, June 23, 2008

Cash takes on the Grand Canyon with Andrew

So, our adventure seeking son went down the Grand with our friend andrew Schmidt.Like Father like son. Rock on boys!!!!!
cash's mommy

Sunday, June 22, 2008

my super heros

Made it thru, made it thru Father's Day. made it thru our first time apart since Cash's passed on to Angel ville. page is heading home right now after a River Trip. Can we all say a big" AMEN' that he got back on the river. I think his soul needed it so badly. Just got in from running my longest solo run since forever-felt great. I am hoping it's going to rain now and get everything soaked. We need it badly.
You know, Cash just hangs out with me all the time and I trust that anyone reading won't think I am nuts, because he just is there/here. he visits, makes me laugh, tells me to do fun things, let's me not be afraid. I really hope that someday my story/our story will be helpful to someone else...and then i pray that no one ever needs to hear my story that SMA won't take anymore babies from their Moms and Dads. cash has plans for us. I dreamt of him 2 nights ago but it was in the future. He was a newborn, about 8 weeks old, and strong. he could hold his head up. and his body was strong. at the time I didn't recognize him because I was so amazed that he has such strength and then I realised that it was Cashie. and he was blond and super healthy and STRONG.
So I know he's on his way back to me. back to all of us. Cash is just doing his Angel job right now, watching over marne's Dad and keeping all those boaters safe.
I love you my super hero.
Cash's Mommy

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father's Day

So it's Father's Day today. Though we survived it last year it feels like this is one of the last big holidays we need to make it through in this first year since Cash's passing. All week, I've been feeling incredibly grateful that I'm Cash's father. I've seen foxes and different signs that Cash truly is zipping around watching over me. I can't wait for him to come back to me. I need him. I need him, I need him. I know I'm a dad, but I just want to change some diapers, and snuggle, and play, and read stories. I love you Cashie, and I hope that when you come back you're ready for all the super fun things we're gonna do.

Happy Father's Day everyone and thanks to everyone who has called and lent some support. I truly appreciate it.

Friday, May 30, 2008

need some team Cash prayers for our friends Dad

This is a prayer from some of team cash here in denver. Their Dad had an accident and is in the hospital.
Please pray for his recovery.
Thank you.

This means you to Beanie, the most powerful little angel around. Your job is to be with Marne's Dad and take care of him. Make him feel better.
I love you my hero, Cash's mommy

A Prayer for my Dad

I ask everyone to please say a prayer, send beautiful thoughts, make angelic wishes, every morning, every afternoon and every evening for my dad. My dad! My dad, whose main purpose in life is to be the wonderful father that he is to his four kids and son-in-law. And in about 5 months he will be able to be a wonderful a poppie. My dad, a first time poppie! I know how amazing he will be with the little one! We need him to get better fast because we count on him, more than he will ever know! My dad, who calls his kids every Friday night no matter what. My dad, who has the best sense of humor. My dad, the “tough guy” with the biggest heart ever. My dad, who gives great hugs. MY dad. Right now, at this very moment, MY DAD needs all of the love in the universe to surround him! Remember…PRAYERS, BEAUTIFUL THOUGHTS AND TONS OF ANGELELIC WISHES for my dad.

Monday, May 26, 2008

memorial Day 2008

Page and I ran the Bolder Boulder this AM. It was fun to do this together and we ran thru the 50, 000 people, reading their signs on their backs dedicating their run to Soldiers. it was moving, and I think that we always now dedicate everything we do to our Son. My hero Cash.

I love you beanie,
Cash's Mommy

Monday, May 19, 2008

keep the faith

yes, I feel different. and no, I am not sure how but different.

Only one grief attatck this whole weekend...that's a first.

I must keep going. I love my son. I miss you Beanie.

Cash's Mommy

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Cash's Garden

he joined us late last night in the garden His Daddy and I planted in his honor at our home.

May 15th

How the heck did we make it a year? I have no idea, all the love and support from all of you. the emails and calls just poured in the past week and over the Mother's Day weekend. Both page and I feel the love. Thank you for the basket of flowers on our doorstep-God father Jason. I am touched that all of you are pulling for us. it's all cashie's strength and example. I must keep going, I must get out of bed.....
You know the scary part now is : how do we do this again?' how do we try for a biological baby....when the odds are not guaranteed. I think I am just doubting that we will be OK, and I have been reading more about other people with SMA type 1 Children. The similarities are astounding.

On May 14th Page and I took the day off to go to The Cash's Healing Garden site at Children's to talk about the design we want to do. You know the garden site has a great view of the Mountains. it's really a great place already. I can't wait to get started.
Than we drove to The Garden of The Gods in Colorado Springs and took the dogs for a Hike. I think I just needed to get out of Denver and the house for that day...and be on a mini vacation for everything and just celebrate Cashie...hiking. It's a really pretty place.

I don't know how different i feel today, a bit freer..if that's a word. I know we are going to be OK. I know we will have healthy babies, I just don't know when.
Thank you all for the love. it has meant the world to me.
I love you my Cashie.
Cash's Mommy

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Cash's Mommy Forever

Happy (belated) Mother's Day to Teri, Cash's Mommy forever. Cash, you will always be missed, loved and treasured.


Teri, Page, Cash, Spider, Strype and Cowie -

You all will be front and center in my mind all day long tomorrow. Sending you my love and support. I know it will be a tough day but get outside, see what nature can show you, remember Cash and know that he's still a part of us all. I was in Los Angeles a year ago May 14th and after talking to Page and getting the news I headed straight for the beach. Being outside has always been the best serum for me to concentrate and analyze the events that make life, life. I wasn't sure what to do after hanging up with Page so I wrote this in the sand and took a picture with my cell phone. I still believe it. Love you both.



Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Flying Angel

Well, Page and I are filling the time between now and May 14th with Work work work and running and skiing. It's been a hard time and we know there are loads of you all out there praying for us. We feel it. We both are taking May 14th off to be together and maybe sit in the garden space at Children's and start the design...maybe go for a hike at one our favorite hikes that we did when Cashie was still just inside my tummy.
We are moving ahead with our Adoption process for our Chinese daughter. It's a very long process but that seems ok for right now.
So Mother's day is Sunday....what am i to do? well, I signed up to run the Title Nine event in Boulder on Mother's day. I had signed up to do it last year with Cashie in a jogger, but the day after we bought the jogger....we ended up at Children's. So this year I am running it with Cash on my tshirt and on my shoulders. tell me that's not a powerful Mother's day. it amazes my the strength of the human spirit and the love my kid pours out to me even in his Spirit form. I feel him there all the time....sometimes on my shoulders sometimes on my chest...just hanging on.
I miss him so yet i know deep in my soul that he is coming back to me.
I just need to be less scared and trust that I can do this, I have the skills, I am a freakin' GREAT mommy. He is on his way back...just cruising the cosmos...helping out others where needed. I think Cashie hangs out with his 2 grandmothers a bunch too. I love that.

I love you my flying angel.
Cash's Mommy

Sunday, April 27, 2008

1 year ago today

So, it was a year ago that Page, Cash and i were in Children's, just starting our 2 week journey there.
My therapist says that i need to stop living there in my head, that Cash is not at Children's that he is free. it's just so painful and I just want to be happy again. i just want Cash home.
These are tulips that page and i planted the fall of 2006...a few months before Cash arrived. I wanted such a huge blast of color for Him and for visitors and to celebrate my son. So today i picked a few to enjoy inside and here so you can enjoy them too.
cash does bring such power, vibrant love to my life. i just miss him so very much. i pray these next 2 weeks go by fast and I can son is not sick anymore. i miss you beanie. love , Mommy

Monday, April 21, 2008

My Fox

So, After a week of many therapy sessions it is a new day. I saw my Fox this am running with the pups. It just stopped and stared. Yay Cashie! Just when I need him most, he shows up and reminds me that he is not in the hospital anymore, that he didn't want to be sick and leave me. I am working on not traumatizing myself with memories of the Hospital. It's hard work but I can't keep going down that road and breaking my heart over and over again, I will never get healthier if I do. So for right now, I will remember that my kids is flying around , as a Fox and my Angel to guide my throughout my day.

May 14th is coming up. It will be one year on the day that Cashie became an Angel. Page and I need loads of prayers if you have them.

I love you My super kid,
Cash's Mommy

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Page 's birthday

It's Page's Bday today. he's out golfing with buddies...I pray this day is a good one for him. I know all he really wants is his Son.
Cash's Mommy

Thursday, April 10, 2008

bottomless grief

My Son, after a debilitating day on Tuesday , the worst I have had in a long time. i really never left the house....I am getting better. I just went thru all the pictures I have of My Baby boy...and cried and cried and laughed..and said-you are real-and noticed how fast SMA took his body down. He was a squirmy kid at first. I pray for no more SMA in our lives. NO MORE!!!!

I miss my son with the bottomless pit of grief, it never lets up, it is always there and I am always aware the our lives are forever changed because Cash blessed us with his life. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I never will be her again. Yet somewhere in my soul I know that it's going to be OK for Page Cash and I. That we will be together again. That our journey as a family is far from over.
So please keep your prayers up. I know there are a lot of other people who need them, and we pray for those folks too. and the war to end.
Please know that as we approach May 14Th and that will be 1 year since Cashie passed in my arms at Children's that Page and I struggle to get thru each moment of each we go on I do not know except that I know my Son will be back with me. I believe in reincarnation( and I don't know if i did before all of this but how can i not now)and that's what is getting me by right now. So I ask you this, please don't doubt me or call me crazy...because I know what's real. And I know my kid. Just help us to have patience until that day arrives.

All my love , Cashies Mommy

Sunday, April 6, 2008

This kid sure does get around

Spreading Team Cash Spirit to North Carolina are Gammy and Aunt Danger....this kid of mine sure does get around. Spreading Love wherever he goes. I love you beanie,
Cash's mommy

Saturday, April 5, 2008

What's up now

What a week. We keep thinking it's going to get easier but it's not. The tears keep coming and I am trying to function as a business owner.....and many days I just want to stay in bed. Running helps, yoga helps. Prayer helps. I just want my kid back.

We wnet to New Mexico for Easter weekend. Here are some things that happened there:

Hello all,> Page and I have been still digesting our trip. All the memories and all> the healing. We really are not alone in any sense and it was a true gift> to be a part of your group for the weekend. I have Spices that we bought> for Virgina Kay's store that i would love to share with any one who> wants some. Please let me know.> The weekend was for me: powerful, enlightening, full of Grace, full of> love, delightful, happy, devastatingly sad and yet deep down in the> bottom of my soul...full of Hope.>> Please know that you each in your own unique way have touched my heart> deeply.>> I will cherish this Easter weekend.And when times are tough and I am> sad, I have the ability to pull those memories and words of> encouragement from my heart and that soothes the pain.> You are all a very special gift .> All my love, Teri

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

So, This is what we have in the Cash's Garden Fund. Thanks to all of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are overwhelmed and grateful.
Thank you!
Cash's Mommy

Monday, March 17, 2008

Happy St Pattys Day

So, being Irish and always loving St Patricks Day I would like to extend a Happy Day and all of you who read the blog. We spent the weekend avoiding Denver Parade and parties and skied. and Camped in the Van at the Basin(yes it was cold, but not that cold) and had dinner with an old friend Todd, who made us laugh and laugh and laugh. It made me realise that seeing old friends have a way of putting time into perspective. I am so impatient to have our house FULL of babies...and yet it's not and we are waiting. But seeing an old friend made me realise that time is just what it is, time. and that I am enduring the grief and sorrow and heartache and sadness and yet page and I can still have so much hope for the future together as Parents. We know they are coming...just not when.
So raise your glasses please: to old friends, new friends, hearts full of love and the laughter that brings us together.

To my brave son, my Irish Blessing.
All my love,
Cash's mommy

Thursday, March 6, 2008

go mama go

So, I have been having a hard time, crying at the drop of a hat and then it goes away. I think that having all these new babies across the street from us is amazing...challenging.and as sign of things to come for Page and I. I had an old master Gardener friend ask me today aboutthe Garden Fund. It was the first time we spoke of Cash and it was ok to answer questions.
I also have realised that these days right now are all :memory days" Where Cash and I were crusing around, taking hikes with Mountain Mams or Daddy on the weekends. We were going shopping and starting to garden again....and he was with me every minute of those 16 weeks (except just a few) and I just miss him. I miss my Monkey kid who hung on me. 2 days ago I was sitting here working and I heard noises outside. I looked out the window to see 3 ladies pulling wagons, strollers full of babies. They were from the day care that Cash was going to go to and they sometimes take the kids down our street on their walks. I heard them say" this is Cash's house"....and just as they walked on my neighbor knocked on the door...and I just started to cry. He was so kind and nice to me. I have to take that as a sigh that babies are on their way to us...not as a sad thing. As much as I miss him there is this inner sense that it's all going to be ok.
There is this show on TV(yes, I am a HUGE TV person) called ' men In Trees' its' set in Alaska and there's a character named Cash. He is pretty sick, but the show itself has good meanings to its stories. Like this week I got" life always works out" I think my Dad would say that to me. I just have to stay strong in my beliefs that life will work it's way out for us.
You know I think about what God's plan for us is a lot. Why us? Why Cash? and then I believe that Cash came here to be a teacher to us, he teaches me daily to have love in my heart, to be kind, to be brave, to face what scares me. And being without him scares me but I have to face that every hour of every day. Have can I be with out my Heart and Soul. Shelly, my friend and teacher, has told me that for right now Cash is my Angel on my shoulder. I can feel him sitting there, cheering me on as I run and ski, grabbing my braids and yelling" go mama go!" so I am not without my Son just him physical body. And that was way to sick for his soul.
So off O go...trusting in the gut feelings I get, the" it's going to be OK and we;ll be together again' I trust that will happen...and Page and I will be joyously exhausted from lack of sleep...but i 'll take it.

All my love my sweet angel Cashie, mommy

Monday, March 3, 2008

a year ago today

a year ago today Cash was with us here on Earth. We were probably taking a walk around Sloans lake or down to Starbucks.......I miss my Son. I am trying to be compassionate thru all this grief. Show Compassion for others. It's hard....or I am making it hard. I miss my Son.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

the Basin skiing

So I haven't been writing lately. I just got my new computer set up.....the old one bit the dust along with my printer the week of the benefit concert. Good timing.

I saw The Fox last week while running with the dogs. It was in Wheatridge and we stared at each other for a long time while I cried and cried at the side of Chase Street. I know Cashie just couldn't live the life he wanted(or we wanted ) for him with his little sick body.

I saw twin 3 year olds skiing with their dad on Sunday at ABAsin. I skied up to the dad and asked how old they were b/c They were so little, I was just amazed at their skiing.One of them looked up at me, googles covering his face and he just babled at me with a huge smile. I just cried as I skied off, sad and happy at the same time because I know that is our future with our kids. little ski family, all bubbly at the Basin. Trading off runs for diaper changes and happy to be changing diapers again. not caring it's a powder day. I know it's coming our way, I can feel it...and if you have any thoughts for Page and I please let them be of us, arms full of baby gear, going skiing....

xo, cash's mommy

Sunday, February 17, 2008

moxie 4.0

so, i turned 40 last Sunday with my family in New England. tyler, our nephew who is 3, nicknamed me Moxie, after my Cash Necklace. I am hopeful that my 40's will bring joy and laughter and family into my life. I trust that it will, I just need to keep my feet pointed in the direction I want to go. You know, so uch has happened this past year with Cash....and I still cry at the drop of a hat because I miss my baby so damn much. He came to me in a dream this Am, he was healthy and Page was with us. I rarely have dreams that I remember but this was vivid and clear.....and I know his soul is doing well. hjat a powerhouse. You just never know what life is going to throw at you and I just need to stay balanced so I don't topple over.

So, Happy Birthday to me.. here's a bit of amazing news:
The Benefit Concert raised over $36, 000.00 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you to all who helps, donated, bought tix, told friends about it, stood by our sides as we walk thru this journey................we hope for a beautiful garden.

Cash's Mommy

Monday, February 4, 2008

my kid and the two fox

Hi, You know we are getting along's Feb , we are skiing a ton, and that's a good thing. Cash is so present in our lives, every second of every day. It's strange to be happy and then sad but I know it's normal. We saw 2 baby fox on Saturday in Eldora afer skiing w/the dogs. They were both up on the roof of this litttle cabin. They just hung out and looked at Page and I. It was a amazing. And the not 20 mins later we saw a baby moose. A moose.....seriously. It was HUGE!!!!!! I just keep thinking about when I need my kid he just shows up to watch and protect his Mommy and Daddy. And this Sat we needed that. It's amazing how souls can take on different forms, and I know that I may sound nuts for saying this but it is what makes sense to me, I know Cashie just shows up and let's us know that Page and I are doing the right things, we are moving in the right know I wish everyone had such a compass. He is my Compass. He is my heart and soul.I love you pumpkin.

Art Show: Sam Bissell is having a Photograph show this Saturday. Proceeds from a raffle will go towards the Cash's Garden Fund. Please support Sam. He is our neighbor and a wonderful gardener.

DENVER, CO 80214
Saturday, February 9, 1:00PM to 5:00PM
303-238-0231 OR 303-947-7525

Thursday, January 31, 2008

my son

I knew the benefit concert was not going to take all the pain away and I did feel good for a week or so but I think I am coming down from the event. I just miss my so, my beanie so much. I stil cry all the time, usually alone....but had a grief attatck on the cjair lift yesturday while in my lesson. I just never know when it's going to come up. I just miss him and I want to be like those other mom's and Dad's I see at Eldora with their little kids in ski lessons. I want that too. I know that's our future....the waiting is the hard part.

I miss you Cashie.
Cash's Mommy

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Thank You

What an amazing night. Thank you to everyone who was a part of it! We still don't have a concrete number as to how much we raised, but we will let you know as soon as we do.
All our love.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Denver POst Blog about the show

So.....the house is quiet, my office is empty, all our guests are gone and I am happy. I haven't been able to say that for a very long time. You know I didn't think that having a huge party on Cash's 1st birthday was going to be such a healing thing for anyone...I just selfishly needed Page and I to get thru it in one piece. My kid, our kid is amazing as I have said over and over again on this blog and to anyone that talks to me. He is a magic child who chose Page and I to give him life, to bring him here to help other people to get better. To be nicer, to help one another. I feel like I gave birth to Budha sometimes. Cash is love, Cash lives on, Cash is healing us.

We don't have exact numbers yet from the event on Friday but I know we have surpassed whatever the goal was. I can was nuts in the theater. So many people having fun........celebrating Cash's life and Spirit.

Please check out this blog from The Reverb blog on The Denver Post Online. all my gratitude goes out to YOU!!!!!!!!!

Cash's Mommy


How do you even begin to quantify what took place on Friday night at the Oriental Theater?
The engergy in that place amazing. He is a magical little boy to give the energy to pull something like that together.

Thank you to you all for coming out and supporting the Garden. We will channel all of this incredible energy from everyone right into the Garden and it will be an equally magical spot.

We have had some questions about how well the fundraiser did and though we don't have any specific numbers (I promise that as soon as we get some more concrete numbers we will broadcast them) we blew away the intital goal of raising $10,000.

I think it was a great night for everyone and I thank all of you for helping us celebrate this incredible little kid.

All our love,

Cash's Dad

P.S. If you took any pictures during the show would you mind sharing them with us? thanks.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Cash is magic. He decided to begin his journey into the world today, on Muhammad Ali's Birthday. I know I've told this story over and over and over, but today I would tell him that he was named after an incredible man and that he too would do great things. And today, I've got evidence that he is magic and that he is doing incredible things (Cash's Garden) and changing people's lives. So thank you Cashie for deciding to begin your journey into the world today (Yes, Cash's Birthday is tomorrow but he started labor today). You are my boy and I can't even begin to describe how much I miss you my little man.

Thank you everyone for your love and support. We will see you tomorrow night for an incredible celebration.

Cash's Dad

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Getting ready for the big day

Hi, After another hectic day of getting things ready for the Benefit Concert with Grammy in town. It's so wonderful to have my mom here. It's really hard to think that Cash would be 1 on Friday......that I was pregnant a year ago....just about to go into labor...5 weeks early. All the outpouring of phone calls, emails, donations is overwhelming...people are just so nice.
I just miss my little man. And I am excited about the benefit concert and I am so very sad that this is how we are celebrating his bday. and yet we are celebrating Cash's life and his spirit. Which is bigger than all of us. He is my guiding light, he is my love, he is my heart and soul. I am blessed to be Cash's Mom. I do know we are doing the right thing by building this Healing Garden At Children's. I am grateful we will have a place to let people go and sit and be quiet. Just like we needed with Cash.

So if you are going to the Concert on Friday night-Thank you in advance. Let's really celebrate Cash's Spirit, his life, his lessons, his heart......full of love. To the cutest baby , I love you my baby boy, my beanie. I miss you. Good thing are coming our way.

To Cashie, my magic kid.
May he bless you all too.
Cash's Mommy

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Cash's fox

We saw our Fox again last night at Nana's house in Boulder. He just scooted thru their yard in full view. I just sobbed. I miss my son so much. With this week of his Birth coming up and the concert I know I need to not check out of how I am feeling and just let myself be sad. I am sad that my baby boy is an angel and not here with us on Earth. Yet he is an angel and he shapes my every thought and movement. He always has since we first knew he was coming to be with us. My son has changed me in such deeply profound ways. Please if you see me this week and I am just acting busy with the Benefit concert know that I am sad inside.
We thought we would be taking Cash to The casa for his first birthday , that's what Page wanted. Instead we are throwing a huge party in his honor to build a garden to help other families thru their time at Children's. Not really what we had planned.
I wish children did not get sick.
I miss my son so much. I am scared.
I wish other people besides Page and I would say that they missed Cash too.
I know Fox was letting mommy and daddy know that he is hear with us, every second of everyday and that he misses us just as much as we miss him. Our magic boy.
I love you Cashie. My magic kid. I wish you were in my arms right now so we could snuggle and play.

Cash's Mommy

Thursday, January 10, 2008

phone calls and emails and skiing with ladies

Hi, It has been a whirlwind of activity getting ready for the Benefit Concert in a week! Yikes! I feel like it's my job right now...which i guess it is and I am so thankful that we decided to do this b/c I don't know how I would be getting thru this time if I didn't have a million details to get done. I was driving home from Eldora yesterday after my first lesson, crying my eyes out again at how much I Miss Cashie and how want him here. I don't know if that will ever go away.
I spent 6 hours with all women skiers, talking up a storm as women do.....and you know one of the first questions someone asks you is" do you have kids" There I am riding up the chair w/a classmate and she asks me that very question. I start to cry(luckily I had goggles on) and caught my breath and told her we have a son. but we lost him in May. And she said..I am glad you made it thru the holidays. It was such a great response. Like she knew or something that my being in this class with women skiing was a feat in itself, let alone getting out of bed and dealing with life.

I have been getting emails from people I have yet to meet about the Benefit Concert. Calls too thru the Denver Post Article. We are hoping for a good turn out. I am not as nervous as I was a week ago.

You know my kid teaches me something everyday. I think today it was to have a little more FAITH in humanity. Sometimes I can get so caught up in my life, my world, my sorrow that I forget that there are people out in the world just praying for us and Cash. People I may not know yet. I am not sure what this journey that Page , Cash and I are on will bring us next...but I know we are a family. And that alone has made us stronger as people. I hope someday I will be able to help all these people who are working their tails off to help us right now.

All my love goes out to everyone.

Via Cashie!

Cash's Mommy

Saturday, January 5, 2008

ticket sales jitters

Hi, We just got an email from the theater where the event is going to be. They need ti know how many tix have sold for staffing. I am FREAKIN' out! Please anyone who reads this: please send positive thoughts to all who are selling tix and to selling this show out!!! or at least packing the place. Page tells me to be here I am getting my nerves out online to all of you. positivity is the key. That show will go well, we will have a packed house, it will be a great event.

xo, Cash's Mommy