Concert For Cash 2011
WHEN: Saturday, January 22, 2011
WHERE: The Oriental Theater (http://www.theorientaltheater.com/)
4334 West 44th Ave, Denver, CO 80212
WHO: The Hollyfelds with Hillbilly Inferno
WHY: To raise money for programs at The Children’s Hospital
TICKETS: $35.00 VIP Patron Party / $20.00 General Admission(doors open GA at 7:15 pm),
available by calling 303-550-4310,
at the door
or online at
Or purchase directly online at:
Monday, December 31, 2007
Friday, December 28, 2007
This kid is amazing and Cash's Garden is bringing out the very best in everyone.
Without you all this wouldn't be possible and for that we are deeply grateful.
Grief is ugly and messy and it's also beautiful. I thank you all for helping keep our spirits alive.
With Love and Gratitude,
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Success is failure turned inside out -
Love and Peace,MOM
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Thank you all for the well wishes and to come home to listen to a message from Cash's God father, Jason was just what we needed. Then to open gifts from my Mom and know we are not alone on Christmas really helped us both.
Today we woke up to an article in The Denver Post about Cash's Garden and the benefit concert. What a gift. I am grateful to be a Mom, a Wife , and a Family this Christmas. As sad as it could have been it was our least stressful holiday.
Merry Christmas to all,
Saturday, December 22, 2007
We are heading to Taos for Christmas with the puppies. Merry Christmas to everyone.Be safe and hugs your loved ones.
I love you pumpkin,
Cash's Mommy and Daddy
Friday, December 21, 2007
we are really excited. Please pass this along to anyone you know who might be interested.
Thanks so much for your support. Happy Holidays.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
I don't know if all husbands would be that open. I know I am blessed to have Page and my best friend. Cash was with me today at Boot Camp....making me run up all those stairs...you know he makes me run because couldn't.
I love you Page and Cashie, my boys. I am blessed.
Monday, December 17, 2007
I have been skiing in some fashion for almost 35 years. I have never cried skiing before until this weekend. I just get on the first chair and cry......and think of Cashie. My eyelids freezing a bit and I cry for my son. I miss him so much.
I went to the Sunday on mountain service at the Basin yesterday. I love that I can ski right up to it. And I cried so hard there. The nice Pastor said a prayer for Cashie. I know he is with us while we ski, it's just I thought we would all be there together , swapping out turns, changing diapers, etc. It's hard to go ski when I know Cashie would have been with us but it's the only thing we can do to make him proud of us that we are still fighting the fight.
At Boot Camp this am we had to run these 12 flights of stairs 3 times, I kept saying in my head: "I have nothing else to lose, I have nothing else to lose"....as I chugged up the steps...and by the third trip up the steps I was saying: "Healthy baby, healthy baby, healthy baby".
I know there is a plan for us 3..............I know it. i know Cashie is with us today. Saying Keep fighting Mommy. I never knew I had so many tears inside of me. Keep fighting Mommy. I love you Cashie.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Hi to everyone. I know it's been a while since I've made a post. With the snow here I've been missing Cash a bunch. One of my main aspirations with him was to be able to take him skiing. I still have, but I just wanted him to experience the wind on his face and feel the freedom of the hills . . . . even though with his SMA that wouldn't have ever been a possibility. So I'm sad, but I know that he is with me.
The photos are where we are planning on putting Cash's Garden. Yes, we really have a site and his garden is going to be a reality. With this said, we still need help selling tickets for the Cash's Garden Benefit Concert. If you know anyone that is interested or would want to help, this is a way for them to do so. For all of you that have been helping, a heartfelt thanks for your help and support.
Monday, December 10, 2007
ps...I love you Cashie
Sunday, December 9, 2007
I woke up with thoughts of the past, as I often do, or thoughts of the future....what I hope for. Rarely do i Think of the present. That has always been the case with me....I have always been a future thinker....and for right now, for today , I need to take a break from that and be really happy about what I have in my life right now: A loving husband, 2 great and fuzzy dogs , and cat who has been with me longer than anyone else ...and a whole family that loves me and friends that support me. a business that thrives and people to work with who are amazing.
I have the spirit of my little boy to guide me along my way. My Angel , my Cashie.
Thank yo all for helping us to sell tix.
We couldn't do this without you.
love, Cash's Mommy
Monday, December 3, 2007
I was in a Class this Am , exercising and had my Team Cash shirt on....I was struggling a bit and the instructor said" do it, you can do it, do it for the baby" and he pointed to my shirt. Now, I don't know this instructor but he got me. I have to do it for Cashie. I have to keep going. I have to be strong. He was with us in St Johns. And as we flew home, the clouds were so beautiful. I said to page" Do you think that's what Cashie sees as he is flying around? All that beauty?"
I think he does. I know he is free. And I know he loves him Mommy.
I know he is here. Cash is here.
Friday, November 23, 2007
I ran into Robin, my Baby Class teacher today. It was so great to see her and tell her we are ok and have great hope and Love for the future with our Cashie. My magic kid, my Soulful boy.
Please come to see the Railbenders with us on New Years Eve at The Soiled Dove. We went 2 nites ago....holy cow.they ROCK!!!!! Love to you,
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
I am so excited to be a part of this event for Cash. Teri & Page have been helping me to create a poster for his Birthday Concert coming up in January. Here is Cash's very own Alice in Wonderland Garden ... to become a reality at the Children's Hospital.
Sunday, November 18, 2007
It also means the Benefit Concert is just 8 weeks away!
Yikes!We have been getting loads of questions about the Silent Auction:
You can donate whatever feels right to you. Some things that have been already donated:
Hand Knit items
Whatever you want, just make sure you get the Donation for to me so I can send it on to The Children's Hospital Foundation so You can have a reciept for your taxes....
We are grateful today. We are parents today. Cash is with us today.
Please send blessings/prayers and good thoughts out to My Cousin Ellen. Today is not a great day for her......and she's a very special apst of our lives.
Monday, November 12, 2007
the fuzzies who great me with such exuberance when I open the door
My love Page
It didn't really rain today but smelled like it when I drove to work-yummy
I am here, I have not gone under, I am not on meds
my dad and brother
I am grateful.................
The Tickets are here:
Cash' Garden Benefit Concert TICKETS are available thru Page and myself. They will also be for sale on line at www.theorientaltheater.com
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Thanks to you all out there for your love and support.
Thursday, November 8, 2007
We Will keep you updated as soon as we know more. Hopefully we will have our Fundraising goal soon.....
Personally: I --was having a hard time today, this week...really questioning it all. The whys, the Why us...and then something snapped n me tonight as I was running w/the dogs. I feel like I snapped out of the funk, at least for a while. Hope is back.
You know, I also picked my guitar back up, a little music therapy for my soul. Sometimes I think : will I ever really learn to strum? will I find songs I can play and sing with?
These are the questions I have tonight. not bad for a grieving Mommy. I'll take this over crying a hyperventilating any day!!
Good nite all
Proudly, so proud of my kid, I mean what a friggin' Rock Star to come, be with us, be so damn cute, get to know us even with a terminal disease. I am not sure if I could be that brave. could you?
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
I was looking at a cool site called Colorstrology today and here's what it said about you ... Friendly, Compassionate, Determined.
YOUR imagination and dreams help guide you toward your goals. Once you have found them, you must pursue them with persistence, flexibility and ease. It is your love of life and childlike quality that everyone admires and relates to. Your personal color helps you maintain your humility and honor. Wearing, meditating or surrounding yourself with Deco Rose helps you feel strong, safe and truly secure yourself.
I think my color is in the Aqua family. I blogged about you today. If you want to read it, you can go here. Looking forward to helping your parents with your Healing Garden Benefit Concert - they are putting a lot of love and energy to it and I am certain it is going to be THE event of 2008.
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
You know, it is hard to get out of bed. Some days I just don't want to face reality that this has happened. and other days i am filled with hope for our future. It's kind of a crap shoot as to which way the day will go.
Page saw a fox this Am .Our pumpkin letting Daddy know it's going to be alright, that there is a plan for all this pain and sadness.
I am hoping for a better day than yesterday. That was a hard one.
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Right now I am trying to just get by.....
Love you my little beanie
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Monday, October 29, 2007
We met Sam Jones yesterday. What a beautiful baby. It was a JOY to have Jules , Martin and Sam over to visit and the first time I didn't break down with a baby....Sam is just a healing little power house.
I was so amazed at how he moved. So was Page. We just never saw Cash move like that. It was really wonderful.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
We are in the middle of a big mailing to ALCC members. If you need to call for more info, my # is 303.550.4310.
The garden and benefit concert are keeping us busy. Along with cheering for Red Sox or Rockies..........and lots of help from trusted souls.
Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Today I ran in the Susan Komen Race for the Cure in Hickory, NC. I raced with the spirit of my nephew Cashie (he helped me up those hills!) and in celebration of my friend-Lisa. Lisa has just been diagnosed with breast cancer. She is a t-shirt owning member of TEAM CASH and a huge support to me (Auntie Janer). Lisa is a special, special lady and has dedicated her life to working with young children with disabilities. She is a giver.
Please say a little prayer for her today. Thanks! Go TEAM CASH!!!!
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
It was hard to be there even though it's a new place and I have no memories of it....just being around doctors and staff and scrubs and other sick kids was not easy at all. When I finally got home from the day I sat down and looked at all the pictures I have of Cash. I cried so hard. I miss him so much. I woke up scared to face the day.
We talked about the Benefit concert and things we need to do to make it really successful event.
Cash's tree is so pretty. I have saved some leaves.Cash would be 9 months tomorrow. I miss my baby boy. I am jealous. My heart hurts.God please help us.Please make the waiting not so hard today.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
So Cashie, what is best for you is to be in Heaven , hanging out with PapaScan, playing with your trucks(because that's how I picture you, big enough to play) and Lila, and Grandmother...and baby Kai. It's your job right now to show him the ropes up there and teach him how to contact his Parents. You are my angel. I miss you so much Pumpkin. Please pray for Daddy and me to be OK this weekend. To be safe and have good moments.
I love you CutiePants.
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Just before I left, I went to hear a speaker (Sue Fredrick) at a Women's Health Day fair. She had so many enlightening things to say, but this is what I took away from it: Humor, Gratitude, Sweetness. Humor to laugh at the absurdity of life, Gratitude for those around you that make life worth living and Sweetness, like that found in the eyes of an innocent but wise newborn baby ...
The energy we have and exude everyday effects everyone around you, even people you don't know, thought is powerful. To prove that this is true she told a story of a study done with two men that had never met before. They were introduced and one was put into a room with monitors of all kinds (heart, brainwaves, etc.). The other man was put into a room with a computer screen and was told to think a thought - any thought - about this man he did not know every time he saw his picture.
The result? The monitors showed a recorded reaction every time Man #2 had a thought about him! Imagine what the results would have been if these two men were friends!
I thought about Cash and the Scanlon-Phillips family the whole time I was there. And when I pulled back in to Boulder, near dusk, I saw him! Cash's Fox was hanging out in North Boulder near his grandparents house. He's thinking about us, and we are thinking about him – with Humor, Gratitude, and Sweetness.
(btw, Teri & Page, I hope you got my message last Thursday that I was coming b/c I wanted to stop in and say hello, I only had one phone number so let me know if there is a better one)
Monday, September 24, 2007
Great to hear from you. I was actually going to send you an email this afternoon with the latest and greatest tribute report. Please find attached a list of names and addresses of those who have sent in gifts since August 29th. We are officially up to $19,371!
Holly is going to meet with Page and I in October to talk about what the next steps are for making this Garden happen.
As I have been thinking alot about my son, as I always do, the pain never goes away. It doesn't even get less........there are times when I can function for longer periods of time without crying or being sad but the pain is the same..always so strong...takes my breath away.
I know that this is a time for great Faith . Faith that we will be OK, that Cash is OK, that we will have kids filling up our home, making noise, making a mess ,making us crazy. Our dear friend Jim robbins came to visit this weekend. He has 3 kids. Jim was telling us about Soccer days in Boseman. How crazy it can get and how much fun it is to watch the little ones all run in a herd around the soccer field. I just thought it sounded like Heaven. Page and I have to have so much Faith that we will have that herd of kids running around and that Cashie will be with us always. Sometimes I just want to drive up to an orphanage(or wherever kids that need families are) and fill my truck, and fill the house with noises, with love, with laughter.
I spoke with Janet from Baltimore on Sat nite. She is the Mom to Cullum. They were on NPR b/c they want to raise awareness about SMA. Cullum has Type 1 SMA, just like Cash. He is 19 months old. They are trying all these alternative therapies for him. He is showing great progress. It was amazing to talk to another Mom about SMA. I have really just put it out of my line of vision. I have been so Angry at SMA. It's very scary to think about getting pregnant again. I don't feel strong at all in that area. Not yet. If you are related to Page or Myself and thinking about having kids....do the genetic testing for SMA. Because it runs in our families.
You know, I was telling Page the other day that I rarely get lonely, even when I was working by myself for all those years gardening. I have always really enjoyed my own company. Then last year I was pregnant and I would talk to Cashie all day long and I certainly didn't feel lonely.
Now, I feel lonely without Cashie. I miss him so much. Feeding him, changing his diaps, snuggling him all day long. I miss my baby. I want him back. I need to have patience.
I need a miracle.
So for anyone that is reading....could you please take a minute and just ask whatever it is you may believe in for a miracle for Page and I.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
To be our best is such a tribute to Cashie Scanlon Phillips----my little nephew.
love, auntie Janer
Saturday, September 22, 2007
I know it's been a while since I've posted anything on the blog. I am out here and doing my best. It's still very day to day as we try to live with the hole that is with us. Especially when you consider that it's only been just over 4 months since we were in the hospital. . . . . I've been watching Muhammad Ali videos and feeling Cash with me. He urges me to keep going, always. What a fighter.
We have lots of love in our life which is incredible and we are blessed. Thank you to you all who are keeping tabs on us.
My love to everyone.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Contact: the First Four Minutes
I found this in a Book of readings form North Carolina Outward Bound School I did a Semester course with way back in College.
I know Page and I need courage now to continue on.....to keep getting up, to go to work everyday...even when we want to stay in bed and sleep and cry.
Please keep up your prayers.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Page and I are organizing a Benefit Concert to raise $$ for The Cash Scanlon Phillips Memorial Garden to be built at Childrens' Hospital. Some of you may have read about it on our blog at : www.teamcash.blogspot.com
We are asking for help. There will be a Silent Auction at this event. We are asking folks who can to collect things from their favortite busiensses to be auctioned off. Some examples have been: A Haircut from a Salon, Artwork, A signed copy of a Great book, Tickets to an Event....whatever you can think of.
Or if you would like to help out in another way you could send an email to Oprah...yup Oprah. I sent an email to here staff telling them about Cash's short life here on Earth, how he was named for Mohamad Ali(Cassius Clay) , what a fighter he is. How he has really changed peoples lives with his Spirit. I asked Oprahs staff for help with this Benefit Concert by the way of getting a Big Name performer there. I mentioned Sheryl Crow, John Mayer., The Fray, Big Head Todd., Josh Blue the comedian....I am shooting BIG!
Below is the link to Oprahs site.
The Benefit details are:
Date Jan 18th, 2008(Cash's Birthday)
Place: The Oriental Theater, North West Denver
We have one Bluegrass Band already, we are looking for more atlent
The donations go towards The Childrens' Hospital Foundation Fund for Cash Scanlon Phillips Memorial Garden.
Thanks for taking the time to read this. We are doing ok, lots of therapy, lots of tears. We have hope for our future as parents but our hearts are shattered beyond comprehension. I cry all the time.
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Thank you and all our Love,
Cash, Teri, Spider, Stripe, and Cowie
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Thursday, August 30, 2007
We can't even begin to thank everyone who is readying the blog. It really helps us to know that you are out there , looking out for us, checking in.This is such a lonely time. I miss my son so much, the pain doesn't go away even as the days keep going by. Therapy helps and then it is also very hard. Hard work.......I miss him so much. There's not a lot more to share but that.
This is the latest update from Holly Anderson. We got the the Oriental Theater for the benefit concert-MARK YOUR CALENDARS for JAN 18, 2008!
Hello Teri and Page~
During the past few weeks we have received 10 more gifts and Cash's account in now up to $19,096! We are honored to be accepting these donations in his name and are still receiving donations everyday! I know we will hit that $25,000 number very soon.
Attached please find the names and addresses of those who have sent in gifts since August 16, 2007. I will be sending another envelope of cards written directly to you tommorow. You should receive it by the weekend. As you know, we just moved our offices to the new hospital and are still ironing out a few glitches. If for some reason you do not receive the envelope by the weekend please let me know.
I also wanted to follow up on some dates in October for all of us to meet again. We are happy to come to you this time if you would like. Please know, you are always welcome here at our office, but do let me know what you feel the most comfortable with.
Everyday, I am truly so touched as I see the donations and notes that are coming in. Thank you. As always, please feel free to contact me at anytime if you have any further questions.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Sunday, August 26, 2007
As the time comes closer we are going to need help:
selling tix, obtaining items for a Silent Auction, putting up posters.
So, if you want to help out in anyway: start asking your people(hairdressers, restaurants, ski shops, dog groomers, artists..)..anyone who may want to donate an item to be auctioned off.
We'll keep you posted as we figure out how to do this.
Thanks so much...onward with hope.
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
As I have said many times before and always will: I believe that Cash is a Spiritual powerhouse, he came to Page and I , he chose us to be his parents. He is a gift. I hope you can all feel his presence with you, celebrate it. He is magic.
xoxo, Cash's Mommy
I guess what I am trying to say is... you are not alone and I believe that Cash is with you and you are both finding ways to see that. I think that is really a gift that he has given you to open up your minds to see things in a different way and know he loves and supports you both.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
It has been heartwarming to say the very least that so many people are out there in the world , cheering us on, watching out for Page and I, celebrating Cash's Spirit. This morning Page came home from the gym to find the most beautiful card in our mailbox. It was from our neighbor Marc. It's hard to even describe how touching it was. Like the street just got a bit safer . I have felt odd at times walking the dogs around our little neighborhood. I used to walk almost daily with Cash all over.I have felt like there's this Scarlet letter on me: the woman who lost her child. But now I know it's probably in my head.
One of my Clients/friends called me today to say he was watching a Red Fox out his window. I love that.
There has been a shift in my heart. I cry a lot still, and probably always will. But something is different. There is a lightness too. I actually felt happiness yesterday. and today. It's weird to feel two things at once. I feel that sometimes Page , Cash and I need to wear Super Hero Capes to pretend to be strong. So if you see me driving around with a red cape on, that's why. Pretending to be strong that day.
Team Cash photos needed. Please send them in.
Benefit Concert for the Memorial Garden Fund:
Page and I are in the beginning stages of planning a Benefit Concert to raise $ for the Memorial Garden Fund. There will be a lot to do and we will need a bunch of help. If you are interested in helping: just let us know. We are hoping to have it in Mid January 2008 in Denver. It's a great thing to put our energy into right now.
It was 3 months on Tuesday. I miss my son so very much.
Love to all of you from my heart,
I hope this email finds you well. Attached please find the first list of names and address of friends and family who have donated to the Cash Scanlon Phillips Memorial Fund. This list is as of July 31, 2007. I will be sending you another list like this at the end of August with additional names.
A few things....on the first line you will see, "Friends," which is representing the envelope of cash that you brought in. Also, I wanted to ask you about Mr. and Mrs. Robert Raynolds....unfortunately the address on their check seems to be invalid as the receipt we sent to them was returned to our office. I have called them, but their phone doesn't pick up. I wonder if you know of another way to contact them so we can have their receipt sent to them and most importantly, thank them for their gift!
I also want to talk to you about some dates in October to meet again. I spoke to Steve and he confirmed that we would not be able to have much discussion until after the new hospital is open, but he did want me to get a date on the calendar. He wants to be able to say to the people we need to have at the meeting that we are going to meet with you on this date and would like to have information. So...anytime after October 15th, Monday through Thursday, would work for us. Please email me some dates and I will get this set up.
And finally, with another gift that came in this morning, their is now a total of $18,566 in the account!
Please don't hesitate to call me with any further questions or needs.
Have a good day.
Monday, August 13, 2007
These are prayer flags of Cash's hands that my Mom, Grammy Sandy and Page's Mom, Nana made while we were still in Children's Hospital. They are flying proudly at my parents camp in Northern Maine. My Mom said they also saw a Red Fox after she hung the flags. It looked at her and she said" Hi Cashie". My kid is magic!!!!!!
Sunday, August 12, 2007
I am thrilled to let you know that we have received 9 new gifts in this past week, and even more thrilled to tell you that Cash's account has a total of $17,531! I will continue to send weekly updates to you on the ever so growing total. Page, please know we received the stock transfer gift on Monday. And Tes, we received a sweet card from Brenda and Joseph Scanlon and family. It is truly a pleasure to be working with you and I look forward to what the future will bring.
As far as the next steps that are to happen regarding the garden. I don't want to hold you off any longer, but the truth is, I just don't think we can have further discussions until the move to the new hospital has happened. The project is on time, however everyone is still scrambling to get 4 months of transition discussions and details ironed out before the doors to open on October 1st. I think this will be a good plan to wait so we can have all the right people paying attention and focused. I promise I will not let this fall through the cracks.
And finally, I will be sending you information regarding the names of friends and family who have sent in gifts soon. Our processing department runs the list once per month. As always, please do not hesitate to call or email me with any questions, concerns or the need for information.
Monday, August 6, 2007
I think he is hanging out on Jay Strret. keeping watch over us. I love you CASHIE!!!!!
off to work. please keep up those prayers, good thoughts, good health to everyone and their babies.
Friday, August 3, 2007
On the morning we arrived back home after Cash passed , Dave/Atta was standing at our front door. He then said a Red Fox just whipped thru our yard. It was beautiful and I could tell Dave thought it was his grandson Cashie, checking in on us and letting his family know he's ok, able bodies and running around.
I don't know how long this all takes, what to do next except live a life that will make my son proud of his Mommy. I just miss him so much. Yet I got out of bed again today, to see the red fox and know my son is safe where he is right now. Until he's with me again.
Please keep praying for us all,
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Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Monday, July 23, 2007
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Greetings from Ndola , Zambia ! I tried to post something on the blog… and I just can’t figure out how to do it (feeling like a techno “old lady”).
Just want to let you know how much I have been thinking of you all. The other day we had a meeting with 18 of the women that work for “living compassion” in our school/food program and Jen asked them how many had lost a child. 16 of them raised their hand. 16 out of 18 of the women had lost at least one child, many had lost multiple children and most of them had lost their husbands. I immediately thought of the two of you… the huge difference here is that these women have a lot of support in that they can relate on this grieving process with each other daily. And I realized that the amount of peer support, the kind in which friends have had a direct experience of what you all have gone through is minimal if not absent. Made me realize how alone you must feel at times (and not from a lack of people, just lack of close relationships that have had the same experience of a loss of a child). And the whole thing has just left me holding you both in my heart throughout my days here and including you in the celebration of life that continues to be a part of the lives here.
I am attaching a picture taken the other morning. The area we are working in, kantolombe is a slum outside of the city of ndola , where there is no medical center, no electricity, no clean water and a high rate of malnutrition and disease. Last week an American doctor visiting from Botswana saw some of our folks and there were two that she suggested get to a Dr. immediately, one with severe abdominal pain and one with a HUGE sore on her leg. So I took them to a clinic, and it appears that the girl with the abdominal pain has abdominal TB and the one with the sore, Purity, has to go in every day this month for cleaning and packing of the sore. And in the last days we discovered 2 more with sores on their legs, so there are three of them that are going in to the clinic daily. The cleaning is so intense - they all scream and cry - it appears to be modern torture - and there is no other way. Two of them have infection under the skin around the sore which they scrape with razor blades and then the cleaning itself seems to be like putting acid on open wounds. It is amazing the motherly instinct that comes out in me - I feel like I would do anything for these girls ( 10yrs, 43 yrs, 14 yrs). Being in the medical arena seems to dissolve any barriers of culture, language and separateness for me, I just feel their humanness and hearts and feel like I would do anything it would take to help them move through the pain that will lead the road back to their health. The first day with Purity as I held her hand, rubbed her head and just put my hand behind her heart while she was going through her first treatment (she is 14) - I had a hard time not letting the tears just fall. The insanity of the unavailability of health care and the unnecessary pain deeply affected me. The sores that these girls have are a tropical disease caused by an insect bite. after the insect bites there is a pimple sort of thing and then without care they grow - and for Purity - hers she has had for a year, and it is about 3 1/2 inches in diameter (it is huge). If these girls had care form the beginning the process would be so simple - but instead - they grow and for Purity and Regina the deterioration is so close to the bone that without immediate care the infection would move into the bone which would result in an amputation at some point.
Having this medical experience has been so rich in that I realize when you take everything else away, really all there is to live for is Love. And Teri and Page, the love you embodied as parents inspires me to love these others who don’t necessarily have parents to love and care for them. And for that, together, we are making a difference in this world.
Lots of love,
ps. we have been blogging while we are here, if you want to check it out, go to:
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
I really have no idea what I am doing, how I am moving on when I don't know what to do daily with myself. I keep asking for help and keep putting one foot in front of another. It has nothing to do with being strong.....it has to do with survival. I am just so emotionally fragile and really can only do so much. I get tired and then , well then it all gets even harder.
I am sorry if I have yet to return you emails or calls. I am trying. Please have patience.
I was talking to Spider yesterday about what we were doing 1 year ago...he and I were taking lots of naps due to the heat and my being pregnant. This year we are not taking as naps at all due to Stripe and it's scary to sleep sometimes.
We both hope that next summer will be different and we can be happy again, take a nap or two and hopefully have a baby(somehow) on the way to our home.
At my Mommy class there were a few little babies that were 6 months old when I met them. I remember thinking Cashie will be able to hold his head up by six months, he'll be that big. He'll play with his toys like those other boys are. Now I picture Cashie playing with all his trucks and other little boys that are able bodied and he is smiling and happy.
I miss my baby so much. Please be kind to me today universe. It's a big day.
Tuesday, July 17, 2007
We love you guys!
Sunday, July 15, 2007
What am I doing? That's what I ask myself a lot these days. it's hard to keep going when my heart is so broken.....and then a nice person will share something with me and I see that I am here on Earth for some purpose...and I need to keep remembering that my glass is half full.
I just miss Cash so much. Grief is a tough one, to still try and be a part of the daily life I lead(being a wife, a sister, a daughter, a friend, owning a business, being a boss, being a heart broken Mommy) you know sometimes I ask God Why? and then sometimes i just so THIS IS TOO MUCH!!!!
I have had many emails and calls this week from dear people sharing their life stories with me and friends that say they read the blog all the time. That makes me feel great that this is being read.
More of our neighbors are coming out to express how sorry they are for us. It really helps me feel safer in this world when the people we live next to are aware of what 's going on.
I went to Winter Park today to see my favorite singer ever-Slaid Cleaves. It was a tough trip and a good trip. trying to take care of what I really need and not care about what anyone else does is a tough one for me....so today was a big step. This week was a big for me. I also stood up to someone who I have let has in the past really do a number on me....but I stood up to her and told her to never speak to me again in the way that she did. Scary but necessary.
I thought I had a good backbone before now I am starting to realise how strong it is. Watch out world!
My glass is half full.it has to be.Cash wouldn't have it any other way. God bless my son. God bless all you who love us. God bless my broken heart.
Friday, July 13, 2007
I think that we will be provided with signs about what to do. Like last night it rained, we saw someone from our birthing class, and there was a Muhammad Ali fight on where we were having dinner. It's clear to me, Cash is with us. It's also just plain old exhausting and there's no guide book or anything to help you find your way. That's why it's been good to talk with other folks who have been our position. Though it's always a leap of faith, there's other people out there who can help provide some insight from experience.
As always your calls help a ton. Just to check in. If you see signs of Cash out there please let us know. It's great to hear all the place's he's been.
All our Love,
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
There is hope though. There just has to be. I cried all day yesterday and only once so far today. I actually laughed with my dear friend Jennifer at lunch today. Laughed.......I have to believe that there is a plan for the three of us. And it's a good plan.
It's amazing to me how people find out and contact us. Dear friends from high school/college that I haven't spoken to in years have called, emails, sent cards, read the blog........My kid is a powerhouse. I believe he was sent here to change the world.
all my love to everyone who is reading......
Saturday, July 7, 2007
We are struggling. My tears flow all the time, I get a break at times during the day, but then it hits all over again. People said when we first got home from the hospital that this was going to be a long road, I did not want to think that would be us...well...almost 7 weeks out and it's a long long bumpy windy dark road that we are trying to navigate...but there is no map for this.
We desperately want to find some couple to talk to that has walked this walk before us and gone on to have more children. A couple that lost their first child when it was an infant....we feel like the only couple on the planet sometimes that lost their first kid.
Cash is with me everyday. He lets me know he's around. I see Butterflies all the time.
Other ways to help:
call/email/check in with us. It's not always easy for me to pick up the phone when I am hurting this bad.
Help me plan a Game Night for Cash....maybe with poker and Bunco to raise $ for the Garden Fund.
Send your photos of your adventure with Cash in your tshirt. Celebrate the great soul of Cash.
I ask myself(and my sisters and Mom) all the time: There has to be a reason, what is it? I do trust that there is a reason for this to happen. That there are other plans for Page, Cash and I on this Earth. Just believing that helps get me out of bed daily when I don't want to.
Please keep us in your prayers.
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Monday, July 2, 2007
AS USUAL I AM SO TOUCHED BY THE BLOG AND YOUR ENTRIES AND THOSE OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE TOUCHED YOUR LIVES AND THAT OF CASH...
I LOVED SEEING CASH'S DOCTOR IN HIS TEAM CASH SHIRT AND READING HIS CONTRIBUTION TO THE BLOG..
I LOOKED UP THE SONG ON THE INTERNET THAT YOU MENTIONED IN THE BLOG PAGE AND I CRIED WHEN I HEARD THE WORDS...ERIC CLAPTON IS SINGING IT ON VIDEO...
I LOVE YOU ALL SO VERY MUCH...AND I DON'T KNOW, EXCEPT MEDICALLY, WHY THIS HAPPENED EITHER....BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT I AM SO PROUD OF YOU BOTH FOR HOW YOUR SHARING YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT THIS AND LETTING US ALL IN THROUGH THE BLOG ON HOW YOU ARE...THAT HELPS ME TO COPE ALSO WITH THIS MYSTERY AND ALSO TO FEEL MY OWN FEELINGS, ALONG WITH YOU, THE PAIN OF THIS SITUATION...
WE GOT THE TEAM CASH CARD LAST SATURDAY AND I AM MAKING ARRANGEMENTS FOR MONEY TO BE TRANSFERRED INTO THE ACCOUNT AT THE HOSPITAL.
CASH'S GARDEN WILL BE A VERY SPECIAL PLACE FOR ALL FAMILIES TO VISIT AND HAVE SOME PEACE AND SERENITY IN THE MIDST OF TURMOIL. HE WAS A SERENE LITTLE MAN WHO BROUGHT MUCH LOVE AND PEACE TO ALL HE ENCOUNTERED ....MY GRANDSON CASH IS A SPECIAL HUMAN BEING ....HE IS LOVE....HE WILL LIVE ALWAYS WITHIN ME...
CONTINUE TO SHARE AND TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER AND LITTLE CASH WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND SOUL....YOU ALL DESERVE NOTHING LESS...