Cash's fox

We saw our Fox again last night at Nana's house in Boulder. He just scooted thru their yard in full view. I just sobbed. I miss my son so much. With this week of his Birth coming up and the concert I know I need to not check out of how I am feeling and just let myself be sad. I am sad that my baby boy is an angel and not here with us on Earth. Yet he is an angel and he shapes my every thought and movement. He always has since we first knew he was coming to be with us. My son has changed me in such deeply profound ways. Please if you see me this week and I am just acting busy with the Benefit concert know that I am sad inside.
We thought we would be taking Cash to The casa for his first birthday , that's what Page wanted. Instead we are throwing a huge party in his honor to build a garden to help other families thru their time at Children's. Not really what we had planned.
I wish children did not get sick.
I miss my son so much. I am scared.
I wish other people besides Page and I would say that they missed Cash too.
I know Fox was letting mommy and daddy know that he is hear with us, every second of everyday and that he misses us just as much as we miss him. Our magic boy.
I love you Cashie. My magic kid. I wish you were in my arms right now so we could snuggle and play.

Cash's Mommy

phone calls and emails and skiing with ladies

Hi, It has been a whirlwind of activity getting ready for the Benefit Concert in a week! Yikes! I feel like it's my job right now...which i guess it is and I am so thankful that we decided to do this b/c I don't know how I would be getting thru this time if I didn't have a million details to get done. I was driving home from Eldora yesterday after my first lesson, crying my eyes out again at how much I Miss Cashie and how want him here. I don't know if that will ever go away.
I spent 6 hours with all women skiers, talking up a storm as women do.....and you know one of the first questions someone asks you is" do you have kids"...so There I am riding up the chair w/a classmate and she asks me that very question. I start to cry(luckily I had goggles on) and caught my breath and told her we have a son. but we lost him in May. And she said..I am glad you made it thru the holidays. It was such a great response. Like she knew or something that my being in this class with women skiing was a feat in itself, let alone getting out of bed and dealing with life.

I have been getting emails from people I have yet to meet about the Benefit Concert. Calls too thru the Denver Post Article. We are hoping for a good turn out. I am not as nervous as I was a week ago.

You know my kid teaches me something everyday. I think today it was to have a little more FAITH in humanity. Sometimes I can get so caught up in my life, my world, my sorrow that I forget that there are people out in the world just praying for us and Cash. People I may not know yet. I am not sure what this journey that Page , Cash and I are on will bring us next...but I know we are a family. And that alone has made us stronger as people. I hope someday I will be able to help all these people who are working their tails off to help us right now.

All my love goes out to everyone.

Via Cashie!

Cash's Mommy

ticket sales jitters

Hi, We just got an email from the theater where the event is going to be. They need ti know how many tix have sold for staffing. I am FREAKIN' out! Please anyone who reads this: please send positive thoughts to all who are selling tix and to selling this show out!!! or at least packing the place. Page tells me to be positive...so here I am getting my nerves out online to all of you. positivity is the key. That show will go well, we will have a packed house, it will be a great event.

xo, Cash's Mommy

2008 WILL BE GREAT!

Hey everyone. Happy New Year and Let's pray for an incredible 2008. 2007 has been rough and I'm putting energy into the universe that 2008 will be awesome. I'm so thankful for an incredible wife and son who have taught me lessons beyond words. I just can't put it into words what they mean to me.

I'm thankful for my family, my inlaws, and all of our friends and supporters. We love you all and thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

A Tribute to Everyone

Hi Everyone, I just want to share this with you all. It's a tribute to you all and Cash.

http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_7807676

This kid is amazing and Cash's Garden is bringing out the very best in everyone.
Without you all this wouldn't be possible and for that we are deeply grateful.
Grief is ugly and messy and it's also beautiful. I thank you all for helping keep our spirits alive.

With Love and Gratitude,
Cash's Daddy

Don't Quit

Hi, This is Page and I in jail. Please know that as much as I cry I have to keep smiling for all the blessings I have. Let this picture tell you that we are ok, just sad.

It's Friday afternoon. I just took the pups for a run around town. You know since I spend a great deal of time alone during the winter months I have been thinking about what I was supposed to be doing today if Cash were here on Earth. I know he was just too sick , and it would have been so hard to keep him healthy....or as healthy as he could be. I just miss my son today. Like everyday.

I have received so many emails about ticket sales from the ticket posse. You guys are amazing. You know our goal is just to pack the place. make it a good night, make some noise and joy. So, please don't stress if your tickets haven't sold.....that's not as important as just celebrating this kid. Ok? you with me? Just call me or email if you need help w/your tix sales.

My Mom sent me this really great poem today, that my Grandmother(my idol) sent her when she was my age...it was about hope and I am going to post it. And since my Mom will be at the concert-I think she may need a bit of joy herself. It's one thing for Page and I to go thru this but our Families are all grieving for Cash and us and themselves too. I am so grateful everyone met Cash and got to be touched by his spirit, his eyes, his smile.

Don't Quit
Author Unknown
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,

When funds are low and the debts are high,

And you want to smile but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit,

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about,

When he might have won if he'd stuck it out.

Don't give up, though the pace seems slow -

You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than It seems to a faint and faltering man;

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor's cup

,And he learned too late, when the night slipped down,

How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,

And you never can tell how close you are -

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -

It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Love and Peace,MOM

Christmas Blessings

Well, we survived and thrived in Taos for the holiday weekend. We skied and skied and skied some more, Hot Springs, Car troubles(which Page fixed!), live Music, the puppies running in the snow as we skied along open country roads in the Moon Light. Chimyao was amazing, healing, and necessary for our well being.
Thank you all for the well wishes and to come home to listen to a message from Cash's God father, Jason was just what we needed. Then to open gifts from my Mom and know we are not alone on Christmas really helped us both.

Today we woke up to an article in The Denver Post about Cash's Garden and the benefit concert. What a gift. I am grateful to be a Mom, a Wife , and a Family this Christmas. As sad as it could have been it was our least stressful holiday.

Merry Christmas to all,
Cash's mommy