frozen tears

Hi, It's Monday morning. We skied all weekend with each other and the dogs. Boy those pups can run fast.
I have been skiing in some fashion for almost 35 years. I have never cried skiing before until this weekend. I just get on the first chair and cry......and think of Cashie. My eyelids freezing a bit and I cry for my son. I miss him so much.
I went to the Sunday on mountain service at the Basin yesterday. I love that I can ski right up to it. And I cried so hard there. The nice Pastor said a prayer for Cashie. I know he is with us while we ski, it's just I thought we would all be there together , swapping out turns, changing diapers, etc. It's hard to go ski when I know Cashie would have been with us but it's the only thing we can do to make him proud of us that we are still fighting the fight.

At Boot Camp this am we had to run these 12 flights of stairs 3 times, I kept saying in my head: "I have nothing else to lose, I have nothing else to lose"....as I chugged up the steps...and by the third trip up the steps I was saying: "Healthy baby, healthy baby, healthy baby".
I know there is a plan for us 3..............I know it. i know Cashie is with us today. Saying Keep fighting Mommy. I never knew I had so many tears inside of me. Keep fighting Mommy. I love you Cashie.
Cash's Mommy