Cash's Tree

Thru the grace and kindness of our friends, Cash's Tree was planted on Wednesday Night in front of our home. Page and I didn't know what to expect with this event and it was so profound and powerful. We said blessings for Cash and our future. We spread some of His ashes with the tree. The house feels less empty. It feels like Cash is here now. It feels more grounded.

Daily I am amazed at how kind people are. My phone has been ringing off the hook this Am with so many friends just calling to check in. Thank you for alll your kindness. It humbles me.

xoxox, Cash's Mommy

Dr Gordon(Cash's Pediatrician) hikes with Cash

Teri and Page,

I visited your Cash Blog site tonight. It is really beautiful. My eyes are welling up.
I just couldn't figure out how to post on the site, or add my picture with my Team Cash T-shirt due to my own ineptitude. Therefore, I thought I would just send you this e-mail with the pictures attached.

Not a day goes by where we mention you and Cash in our clinic; you are never far from our thoughts. When you gave me the shirt, I knew right away where I would get a picture for you. Our family likes to take hikes in the high country in the summer, and I wanted to bring Cash's little spirit along with us on one of our hikes. The pictures that are attached were taken by our 13 year old son at Devil's Thumb pass east of Fraser. During the hike, I talked to my family all about Cash's pure spirit, your love and care of him, and what a reminder he is to us of the preciousness of life.

My sister lost her first born son to a disease called Kawasaki's when he was 11 mos. old. I was a resident working in the hospital when he died. The healing took a long time for she and her husband. They are still together, and have 3 beautiful children. Being close to that, I can more closely imagine what you are experiencing, yet no one can understand the loss of a child, unless you personally are sent down that path. My thoughts go out to you, and I hope that one day I can be a part of the life of your future children.

I hope that you are finding healing, peace and comfort.

God Bless,
Steve Gordon

. . . seeking some answers. . . . .

It's really hard when someone says to me "It must have happened for a reason . . " I start to look for answers as to why this happened. There is no answer, and if my son was taken away from me for a "reason", I feel like I must be a pretty bad person. It's a really bad spiral and it takes a while for me to pull myself out of it. Some things do happen for a reason. A fender bender, not getting work finished, tripping on a curb. Things like that seem to have reasons as to why. But in Cash's case . . . . no way. So I'm left wondering why does something like this happen to people who have prepared and poured their hearts and souls into it. It sucks not having that answer and I'm not being pessimistic about it either. I recognize that there have been some truly amazing and wonderful occurences in the aftermath and believe me when I say that it helps. But it definitely doesn't eliminate the pain or provide the answers.

I hope this makes sense. I've been thinking about it for a few days and getting pretty angry about the "it happened for a reason" response. Medically I've got my reason, and I pray that a spiritual one will come to me. We still have lots of tears and questions and frustrations. I cried all the way to work today when "tears in heaven" played on the radio. I wasn't expecting it, but it's always so wonderful to feel Cash with me.

Please keep calling and a big thanks to all of you that have been.

All our love,
Cash's Daddy

Empty Arms and a Full heart

I miss my son tonight. I saw a Mommy and her 2 little boys at the Edgewater Park music tonight and they were all hugging and jumping all over their Mom. I rarely get jealous but I was of that Mom. Then there was a Mam in a suped up wheelchair. and Page pointed out that's what Cash would be like if he even lived long enough. In a suped up wheelchair on oxygen and a feeding tube. We walked the dogs down to the music and all huddled together on the curb, listening to Bluegrass.

I know we have a long way to go ..........but I want more kids. We need more kids. I read somewhere that a Parent that loses a child is" empty arms full heart".
We are doing our best. Getting out of bed each day, even when it's hard. exercizing a lot.

We saw friends last night and it was really wonderful to just talk to everyone, about how we are, about anything at all. Feels like we are rejoining life again....ever so slowly.

Please keep those calls coming.
xoxo, Cash's Mommy

It's been a while

It's been a while since I've posted anything. Last week I was feeling debilitated with Father's Day. Thank god for Teri, Spider, and Stripe. They kept me out of the black hole I kept dopping into. I just wasn't feeling like a father. Today I'm happy to say that I do. I know Teri posted about our weekend, but I've got to say that she made me feel super special. Almost like a birthday. She's an amazing person, an incredible mom, and wonderful wife.

I think that one of the most unique things that happened on Father's Day was that we saw a semi actually use a runaway Truck ramp. I've got to say it's a once in a lifetime type of thing. It's the kind of thing that you see, you see the tire tracks in them, sometimes you even see a semi in them, but to actually see a truck use the ramp was amazing. I know that it was Cash letting me know that he was with us.

I've been back to work which has actually been pretty nice. Everyone at work has been pretty incredible with me. Super patient and kind. They've given me lots of space to get things done, but they also understand that I need the time to just stare blankly at my computer screen. I've also posted pictures of Cash all around me to help remind me that I still need to be the best dad that I can be.

So really that's what this last week has brought me. I was full of despair that I didn't feel like a father at all, and now for some unexplained reason I'm knowing that I need to be the best father that I can possibly be, even though Cash isn't physically with us. I hope that makes sense. That feels pretty huge and it's what's keeping me going. Small steps. I've also realized this week that to a certain degree I need to help folks figure out how to talk with me. I need you to act normal and let me talk about my child. Normal isn't ignoring what has happened, it's just not being freaked out by me and what's happened.

To answer a few questions: Yes we are incredibly sad. Yes we need to be distracted. Yes we are taking care of ourselves. Yes we are getting exercise. Yes we have hope about the future. Yes we do laugh. Yes we do cry. Yes we miss our son. Yes we need you to call. Yes we need to talk about Cash. Yes we are super excited about the healing garden. Yes we will have more kids. Yes, we are being kind to each other. . . . . . . .

I sincerely want to thank everyone who has been writing and calling and sending e-mails. A special thanks to those of you who called for Father's Day. It really made my heart feel good to hear from you. We just can't thank you enough for all of your support. The notes seem to show up at the perfect time as do the phone calls. We love you all so much.

My Cash Shirt Friday Nite post

It's a nite where we don't have a meeting, appointment, or anything else except being together with the dogs and cowie, our Ninja cat. I am amazed daily at the miracles that Cash has brought to us. My advisor from FRCC asking if he can get us a tree in Cash's Honor. I am truly touched by that .The wonderful check out gal at Whole Foods who gave us free truffles....just because I asked if they were good. My awesome manager, Heather , who works so hard for Gardening By Tess and lets me talk about Cash and cry whenever I need to. THANK YOU!!!!My amazing family and in laws for all the calls this week to just check in and talk to me. It all helps keep my head above water.Our dear friends Marne and Paul for taking us to the Movies at Red Rocks to see The Beloved Invaders, the surf band that played at our wedding 6 years ago. I danced and laughed and felt good for a nite. I am so grateful.

We are finding more resources, more people who have been thru something like this for us to meet. We are getting more and more into life. Running has helped me beyond any therapy right now. Or is running therapy? I wear Cash's shirt while I run and go to the gym....I bet my fellow gym goers think I smell b/c I am always in the same shirt....they don't know I have 10 Cash Tshirts. Cash is what gets me out of bed each day even when I don't want to. Cash is what gets me to work, making phone calls and helping out clients. Cash is what keeps me honest about everything. I miss my son so very much it tears me apart but I know that hiding from all the pain will make it worse. So thru all my tears I drive around to job sites, nurseries , the gym, and Starbucks.crying in my truck. God bless me and God Bless us all that Cash is such a powerful force...a true HERO for me. My little man, my fighter. I miss him so very much.

I keep seeing these big beautiful butterflies everywhere I go. Cash was part of the Butterfly Program at Children's Hospital and we read him"Hope For The Flowers ' a few hours before he passed. It's a great story about 2 caterpillars becoming butterflies and one is named Stripe. Which is what Cash's Puppy's name is.

I believe Cash was with me today.

xoxo, Cash's Mommy

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY BBQ From Maine

Fathers Day hike

Well, we survived Father's Day weekend. We hiked, Hot Springed, and spent some time by the Arkansas river watching kayakers.....Page is getting excited to get back into a kayak soon!!!! I smell a river trip coming on. That would be so good for both our souls.

If you want to dog sit....just say the word.

I was so afraid that Page would have a bad day. Not only was it Father's day but also the year to the day that we found out we were pregnant. Page is the strongest man I know and I am so lucky that he loves me.

We are slowly getting back into life. We are hopeful for more children. However they come to us. Cash's spirit is so strong in our lives giving us hope and making me get up in the morning.

Thank you to all who called, emailed, sent cards to Page for Father's Day. It really helped him to get that he's the BEST DAD EVER!!!!

Still crying thruout the days but also finding myself smiling too. Stripe helps with that.Therapy too.

xoxo, Cash's Mommy

Whale Cousins

Yesterday, with Cash in our hearts, we headed to the Atlantic Ocean. We took the girls on their first whale watch. Prior to leaving, we adopted four whales; one for Cash (Tear), one for Tyler (Eden), one for Audrey (Ember) and one for Emily (Trident). This way, the cousins will get to enjoy time playing and being together in spirit out in the Atlantic.

We brought photos of the whales hoping to catch sight of atleast one of them. When we showed the researcher on the ship the photos she recognized Tear and Trident right away. Although we didn't get to see any of the cousins, we did see a single whale, then a mom and a calf and then another mom, calf and escort. The second calf that we saw was having a lot of fun jumping up out of the water and playing.

After our whale watch, we headed down Main Street in Gloucester in search of dinner. We came upon a small shop named....Bananas!

You should be receiving adoption info. on Tear and if you want to check out photos of the adopted whales here is the site http://www.whalecenter.org/adptchce.htm

Also, attached are photos of us planting a lilac bush that was given to us in memory of Cash.

We love you and are thinking of you often.

Joey, Brenda, Audrey and Emily

Father's day

Hey, If you are out there reading this to see what we are up to. Page and I and the dogs are going camping/hiking out of the city heat. Tomorrow is Fathers' Day.
If you could PLEASE CALL PAGE and wish him Happy Father's DAY!!!!!!
His cell is 303.550.5211

all our love, cash's mommy

ps.we are doing ok, lots of sadness and tears and disbelieve and missing our Son. please don't stop calling or emailing or blogging.

Cash Man

Hey guys,

Just wanted to share this pic of Cash, Miles, Marne and I in the Pike National Forest. We're thinking of you!

Memorial Fund update

Forgot to tell you that all donations are tax deductable.
Thanks,
cash's mommy

Cash Scanlon Phillips Memorial Fund

The Cash Scanlon Phillips Memorial Fund has been set up with the Children's Hospital Foundation. We had a great meeting today with Holly Anderson and Steve Winesett to discuss our hopes for a Memorial Garden at the New Children's Hospital campus. They were wonderful and are going to guide us along this process.We have great hopes that this will come to fruition in order to assist other families that need a healing place to be with the children while at the hospital.
Everyone has asked "How can we help?"
Well, this is how:
The process is simple. To donate money towards this fund simply send a check with Cash Scanlon Phillips Fund in the memo or a note stating where to $ needs to go to:

The Children's Hospital Foundation
Attn: Holly Anderson
1245 East Colfax Ave.
Suite 400
Denver, CO 80218

Thank you all for your patience with this process. Page and I are doing ok today. Therapy helps, working out helps, you all help with the calls to check in on us. Please keep in touch.
xoxox,
cash's mommy

Cash in Boston

These photos are from the Brashears family during a recent trip to Boston. They're at Revere Beach. This is the beach that Bob asked Bruna to marry him and we are completely flattered that they would also share the beach with Cash. It's also pretty cool that on the same day these photos were taken we were on the beach in San Francisco with Cash too. Once again we are truly humbled by all the support and love out there. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!

Memorial Garden meeting today

Hi all, Please send all your positive thoughts to us this afternoon when we have our meeting with The Children's Hospital Foundation President to discuss the memorial Garden for Cash.
positive thoughts!!!!!
xoxo, cash's mommy

Hey out there!!

Tessa and Alan Davis running the Bolder Boulder.

Thanks for sending us the photos. Please please please keep them coming. Send them to Teri or Page and we will post them for you with any message you want.

Wednesday

It's amazing how many times we haven't quite been sure what day of the week it is. That's how most stuff has been lately. Both of us have started working out at our respective gyms so we are sore and tired. We are continuing to meet people who have experienced similar situations to our's. It's giving us great hope for our future and they continually help us with each step of this process.

So to keep things short we are doing our best each day to get by. We are doing our best to look towards the future. We are doing our best to honor our boy. And we are doing our best to keep hope alive. Please keep calling and staying in touch with us. We can't even begin to tell you how much it helps.

bananas

We made it to a Compassionate Friends meeting last night. It was good to be around others who 'get it' even though I didn't want to go...and never wanted to be apart of the group anyways.
But we are and I really have to believe that there will be something good out of all of this sadness. There just has to be. And we want more children...however they come into our family. I know this is a long road that lies ahead.one that will never end. I also know that Page and I are parents and that will never change. We want our little house to be filled with kids...
We are seeking professional help with our grief. Plus exercising and trying to be good to ourselves and each other.
It's funny where I find Cash or when he comes to me throughout the day: today I was working out....and the class was really hard and I was struggling. I just prayed that Cash would get me thru..and the next song that came on was "Hollarback Girl". That's one of the songs we would sing in the hospital with Cash b/c of the line that says"it's bananas B A NA NA S' b/c we thought the whole thing was crazy . plus Cash naned his little duck..bananas.
So as I ramble, please keep blogging, sending those photos and call us.
xo,
cash's mommy

Cash in Lyons!

We were fortunate enough to have Page, Teri, Cash, Spider and Stripe come to Lyons last Saturday for the Lyons Outdoor Games. While it was a short visit (next time will be longer!!) it was great to see the family outside, in the sun, laughing and having a good time. Cash was at the whitewater kayaking events and at the river clean-up on Sunday morning. He's a busy man!

Much love to you all.

Ben, Alli, Culley and Siler

NEED YOUR PICTURES

Hello out there. Man these days are draining. Every little thing seems to take so much effort these days. Even the simplest of things like sweeping the floor sucks the life out of us. We have been making an effort to get out of the house which is helping a lot. The hardest part is all of the different 'triggers' out there. I broke down in Hardware store yesterday when I saw a father and his son moving around the store checking out all of the fun stuff in there. It made me feel so empty knowing that I can't directly share that with Cash. He will always help me find my way around, but I just wish that I could take his little hand and go through life with him. I know that I'm a dad and I'll always be his dad, but when he's not around I don't feel like one. So ultimately, I guess that with Father's day coming up I'm super sad that I don't get to share it with him. I have faith though that he will connect with me.

On a completely different note, we need your pictures. Knowing that Cash has been all over the place we ask that you either send Teri or me the pictures you have been taking of yourselves celebrating Cash with your families. Send them in whatever manner you can, we just want them. Thanks for your help with this.

So there are some thoughts for today. Thanks to everyone who has called or e-mailed, or dropped by to connect with us. It's helped a ton.

All our love,

Page, Teri, Cash, Spider, and Stripe.

We made it thru week 1 at home

Hi,
We made it to Saturday of the first week at home. We both have agreed that this week was unbelievably hard and so tiring that I could barely keep my eyes open last night. Thank you to eveyone who called, emailed, invited us places. getting out of the house (esp at night) is a good thing right now. Even if we are so tired.
Memorial Garden update: we have a meeting on Thursday with the President of the Children's Hospital Foundation to discuss what we are hoping for.Please say an extra prayer for us on that day.
We are still working on where to set up a Fund for this. If anyone has ideas about this PLEASE CALL ME!!!! This is a critical step that I just can't figure out right now .

Emotionally it has been draining. Crying, feeling so down........missing Cash here at home has been so tough. I drove around to a meeting with a client on Thursday with Stripe in the back of the truck....so I wouldn't freak out about Cash not being in the back like he used to be. Funny the things I find myself doing just to survive the moment.

Page started back to work also. Just easing his way back into things. Pages' office looks right out towards Childrens Hospital. So that's not easy for him to see everyday. At all.I am amazed at his strength. I know I have the best husband and friend on earth.

We both have discovered that wearing the hospital bracelets invite questions. Sometimes its from a really nice person who says kind/encouraging words....sometimes it's from someone who says really inappropriate things. Not fun.

We made it to Red Rocks last night(with Cash ), with both dogs in the van for a concert. Thank you Ippy for the invite. It was fun and we laughed ....something new for us right now. Can't remember the Bands name only that they are from Paris and it was in French. It was a freak show and we both felt like we fit right in......
We are off to go for a run then to Boulder so Nana can meet Stripe...then to Lyons to meet with friends at a Water festival.
PLease keep calling. posting, emailing,
xo,
cashs mommy

Another day

Well, today has started off a bit better than yesturday. Maybe a bit more sleep helped, adjusting to being home, talking a lot to each other about how we are feeling.
This is so unbelievably hard and I hope none of you have to ever go thru this.
Phone calls are good. PLease keep them coming.
We are stil working on where to have the Momorial Fund. It's a bit tricky but we will let you all know when it's set up. Hopefully soon.
We have our feelers out there for the Memorial Garden also.
Yesturday was extremely hard for both of us. I could barely get out of bed, let alone out of the house. Sometimes it is just so overwhelming , all the saddness...then I remember how Strong Cash was and is and want to honor him...so I get moving myself.I don't think of it as being strong, just surviving the moment. Everyone has been so nice, from all parts of our lives and WAY beyond...we still are opening cards from out trip. Thank you all for your kind works of support.
I wanted to send a special THANK YOU to the PORTSMOUTH CREW for their box full of love, cards, seeds, and the check. You guys are AMAZING!!!!! Wendy....all my love to you!
Please take care of yourselves today.......and keep letting us know where Team Cash has been.
xo,
Cash's Mommy

WE DECIDED TO STAY

Instead of deciding to pack up the van again and head north we're still here. I don't think either of us had anticipated the shock we would face when coming home. I just can't even descirbe how challenging it is to focus on the day to day stuff and try to keep our heads above water. Treading water with a weight belt might begin to describe the feeling. I could keep going on and on about being tired, and focusing being difficult, and not really having an appetite and blah, blah, blah . . . . .

but I think that the most important thing that happened today is that we woke up, we were horrified to leave the house, and made it outside. Then we made it to work. A very miniscule thing, yes, but never-the-less unbelievably hard to achieve. Even if it was just a few hours it was a step forward and I think Cash would be happy that we are picking ourselves up and making progress. So when it's super super tough to do anything right now I just keep telling myself that I'm doing it to make him proud of me because he was such an incredible fighter while he was here with us. And when I think of how brave he was in the hospital, I become so immensely humbled . . . He would be so pissed off at me if I didn't fight too.

People have been calling to check on us and that's been a wonderful gift. Please keep doing it!!

We need the support.

Spider's new brother Stripe is pretty cool. If you know Spider, just picture his "mini-me" and that's Stripe. He has a super cool soul.

We are working on the memorial garden and a roper spot or foundation or something for donations. Thanks for your patience as soon as we come up with something we will let you know right away.

Dear Page and Teri,

We just got back from the Emergency Family Assistance Association office. We took them, in Cash's name two large boxes of diapers plus a baby "comforter," blue with horses, cactus, and cowboys on it. They were pleased as all get-out and very appreciative. We wore our Team Cash tee shirts and impressed everybody! Thank you for suggesting this way of remembering Cash in a positive manner. Who knows- maybe we can even make this an annual event!

We hope you had a restful trip. We saw Annie when we came home from EFAA, she took our picture and told us that you got a puppy today! Good thing you all got some rest first as we suspect the puppy is going to be a "handful and a half!"

Take good care of yourselves.

Love, Silvia and Charlotte

BACK HOME

Driving down I-70 on Sunday night Teri, Spider, and myself all had a pit in our stomachs. We made nervous conversation or didn't even talk about the reality of coming back home.

Now that we are back home I understand why we were all so nervous. It's hard to be here. As I really think about things we have been on the road for over 5 weeks since we entered the hospital with Cash so coming back home is necessary, it's just the reality of it that is so difficult. I thought it would be much easier. . . . we would get home, and then sort of hop back into life. I was wrong. It's harder than I ever thought and I'm realizing that there are no milestones or events afterwhich the pain will be gone. It's something we are going to need to deal with every day, for the rest of our lives. We keep waking up each morning and hoping that Cash will be there with us, and when he's not we have to figure out how to make it through another day. I keep telling myself that Cash doesn't want me to spend my day in darkness. He wants me to spend the day being a better person. I know that's what he want's you to do too. So I'm waking up in the morning with this incredible and overwhelming challenge. Yesterday, I wanted the bed to swallow me up and I didn't want to get out at all, but today I'm feeling better about everything I'm facing. I'm just trying to do him justice which is much easier said than done.

So now that we are back we need you help. We are going to take care of our physical needs because that's what we have to do and it's important for our grieving. We need you all to check up on us. Come over for horseshoes, or the invitation to a ball game, whatever will be great. We need your support.

The picture was taken on Memorial Day on the beach in San Francisco. Both Cash and Spider love the ocean.

Thanks for all of your love and support. - - - Page, Teri, Cash, Spider, Stripe, and Cowie

Team Cash in Missoula

BBQ at the Miller's.....we all thought of you guys

Even Bubba the dog wore the t-shirt for a bit!

In our thoughts constantly

I just heard what a heartwrenching journey you have been on. I can think of nothing else. How blessed you are to have had that little guy in your lives if even briefly. It is the briefest of touches that can leave an eternal imprint. Please know that we are thinking of you constantly. Be well. Becky and John Konjevod

Thinking of you

Teri and Page -
Cash is lucky to have both of you as his parents. He already shines with love. I think of you often and my thoughts and prayers are with all of you as you adjust and adapt. I am here if you need anything.
Love,
Suzy

Bear Country

Yes, we did just post last night, but after another evening of camping near Mammoth Mountain we wanted to post again before hitting the road home. Instead of heading directly east into Nevada we couldn't resist the temptation to go a bit further south and experience some more of the Sierras. Our adventure landed us just outside of Mammoth Ski Area at "Twin Lakes". Cool temperatures with reminders everywhere that Bears are always looking for ways to get your food. Teri definitely gets the girl scout merit badge for her excellent bearproofing efforts to keep us safe.

Enough of the fluffy stuff . . . it looks as though we are definitely going to be heading home today. It's sad, and scary, and overwhelming, and nervewracking, and it's what we need to do. It's just time . . . While out here, and in particular over the last three or so days, we have been doing lots of talking about the healing between us that needs to happen. This is one of the gifts that Cash has given us. We are ready to get back to what brought us together in the first place. Passionate living . . . It's what Cash wants us to do. He wants us to live with joy in our lives . . . . he want us to not be numb and just put one foot infront of the other thinking it's what we have to do "just because". . . . he also want's us to be responsible human beings but his overwhelming message to us is that by being grateful and living in the moment we are serving ourselves and doing justice to his continuing presence. Because, as we look around he is everywhere. We constantly see his eyes reminding us that he is ok, and that he wants us to live instead of dwell in sadness.

So with that we are going to head east and homeward. Please help catch us.

All our love,

Page, Teri, Cash, and Spider

yosemite thoughts

Wel, we are on the eastern side of the parkin Lee Vining.........funny where you find we find WiFi on this trip and how lucky we are to have the blog to journal our trip.We spent our first real niht camping last evening: with the awning out, chairs set up, cards delt on the table for a round of Rummy 5000. we had a great talk last night about the Yellowstone fire and how after it was all said and done, there were so many positives that came out of that tragedy. and how nature works is such extreme and beautiful ways..i know there were species of flowers that only bloom after a fire(please don't ask me what they are ).
We were also reading about the Phoenix a few nights ago at Nepenthe( agreat place for a bite in Big Sur) and how it burns up with fire and gets reborn, stronger , from its own ashes..
I think that Yellowstone is a good metaphor for Page and i and this hard journey we are on. We think of Cash as our Phoenix. It's amazing what tragedy can bring to you and how you do survive. I trust that we will need a lot of help to get stronger when we get back but even the littlest bit of clarity right now is so welcome. Cash is captain of the Ski Team!

This is a letter that a Client/friend sent to me today. I am constantly amazed at how kind people are .
Dear Steve and Anita, Rachel finished her work on earth, and left the stage in a manner that leaves those of us left behind with a cry of agony in our hearts, as the fragile thread of our faith is dealt with so violently. Is anyone strong enough to stay conscious through such teaching as you are receiving? Probably very few. And even they would only have a whisper of equanimity and peace amidst the screaming trumpets of their rage, grief, horror and desolation. I can't assuage your pain with any words, nor should I. For your pain is Rachel's legacy to you. Not that she or I would inflict such pain by choice, but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion. For something in you dies when you bear the unbearable, and it is only in that dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love as God loves. Now is the time to let your grief find expression. No false strength. Now is the time to sit quietly and speak to Rachel, and thank her for being with you these few years, and encourage her to go on with whatever her work is, knowing that you will grow in compassion and wisdom from this experience.
In my heart, I know that you and she will meet again and again, and recognize the many ways in which you have known each other. And when you meet you will know, in a flash, what now it is not given to you to know: Why this had to be the way it was. Our rational minds can never understand what has happened, but our hearts– if we can keep them open to God – will find their own intuitive way. Rachel came through you to do her work on earth, which includes her manner of death. Now her soul is free, and the love that you can share with her is invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space. In that deep love, include me. In love, Ram Dass

may in your day you find and give kindness to someone unexpecting and play a few hands of cards,
xoxox, cash's mommy

Cash Has Been Busy!

Cash has been busy, guiding Mommy & Daddy on the road, keeping up with Spider, ... watching over his flock. He still somehow found time to go rafting with Ben & Martin and call a small "ski team" meeting with his buddies Cullin & Sam. What a great little guy! <3 A+B=C
ps. you are coming home to a lot of open arms. we miss you here in colorado, and as you can see, we think about you all the time!