Driving down I-70 on Sunday night Teri, Spider, and myself all had a pit in our stomachs. We made nervous conversation or didn't even talk about the reality of coming back home.
Now that we are back home I understand why we were all so nervous. It's hard to be here. As I really think about things we have been on the road for over 5 weeks since we entered the hospital with Cash so coming back home is necessary, it's just the reality of it that is so difficult. I thought it would be much easier. . . . we would get home, and then sort of hop back into life. I was wrong. It's harder than I ever thought and I'm realizing that there are no milestones or events afterwhich the pain will be gone. It's something we are going to need to deal with every day, for the rest of our lives. We keep waking up each morning and hoping that Cash will be there with us, and when he's not we have to figure out how to make it through another day. I keep telling myself that Cash doesn't want me to spend my day in darkness. He wants me to spend the day being a better person. I know that's what he want's you to do too. So I'm waking up in the morning with this incredible and overwhelming challenge. Yesterday, I wanted the bed to swallow me up and I didn't want to get out at all, but today I'm feeling better about everything I'm facing. I'm just trying to do him justice which is much easier said than done.
So now that we are back we need you help. We are going to take care of our physical needs because that's what we have to do and it's important for our grieving. We need you all to check up on us. Come over for horseshoes, or the invitation to a ball game, whatever will be great. We need your support.
The picture was taken on Memorial Day on the beach in San Francisco. Both Cash and Spider love the ocean.
Thanks for all of your love and support. - - - Page, Teri, Cash, Spider, Stripe, and Cowie